October 18 — Almost a year after Tiger Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade into that fire hydrant, former New England Patriot linebacker Junior Seau drove his over a cliff. Is it something about that particular gas-guzzling hog of an SUV that makes professional athletes want to kill it?
Early-morning arrest. Seau, who was behind the wheel not long after an early-morning arrest Monday for felony domestic violence, says he fell asleep and was not trying to harm himself, according to reports. Yup, and Woods claimed his former wife, Elin Nordegren, meant him no harm she she smashed the windows of his Escalade to smithereens with a 9-iron.
Late-night assault. Police arrested Seau after he allegedly assaulted his 25-year-old girlfriend late Sunday night. Six hours after police reportedly released him at 3:20 a.m. Monday, Seau’s car flew off a road and landed some 30 feet below, just short of the Pacific Ocean near Carlsbad, Calif.
The 41-year-old Seau, who apparently proved his manhood by allegeldy beating the bejesus out of a woman, told police he had taken a bit of a snooze while driving his full-size luxury SUV. He had no intention of driving off the road, according to TMZ.com.
Welcome back, TMZ. Hmmm. TMZ. Sounds familiar. Oh, yeah, that’s the same online tabloid outlet that broke many of the stories involving Woods and his 653 mistresses.
Seau, said TMZ, did not appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The same could not be said for Paris Hilton, the party-girl socialite who’s famous for, well, being famous. Faithful TMZ readers may recall that Las Vegas police arrested Hilton a couple months back after they caught a whiff of weed coming from her — you got it — Cadillac Escalade.
So, what is it about celebs and their enormous luxury phallic symbols? Perhaps if each got behind the wheel of an eco-loving Toyota Prius, the whole Woods’ sex scandal might have remained under the floor mats, where it belonged, and the ex-Pro Bowler might have kept his fists to himself.
Cadillac advisory? Yeah, maybe not. Still, Cadillac may want to issue an advisory with each Escalade: “Warning — This car may be hazardous to the health of world-famous golfers, football players, and other celebrities who cheat on their wives, snort dope, or assault their spouses.”
Seau, New England golfers may remember, did a stint last year as a caddie for LPGA Tour golfer Natalie Gulbis. In an episode of his 2009 show, “Sports Jobs with Junior Seau” on Versus, the football legend looped for Gulbis during the Safeway Classic pro-am at Pumpkin Ridge Golf Club in Portland, Ore.
(Emily Kay is a regular contributor to New England Golf Monthly. Check her out at the Boston Golf Examiner and National Golf Examiner websites.)
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